As I fall more deeply in love with Meghan, I am falling in love with words. I’m not all that interested in using them with precision or having an increased vocabulary. I love sculpting a story with words, or maybe I just love it when other people sculpt with their words. To see the way words communicate the soul. The way they communicate the life. The way they communicate the heart. To see the story of a person and then to see the majesty that God has woven into the sinews of their soul.
Other people have learned this before me. How small I am, but my significance is found not in me. That same majesty that I see in others God has revealed to me in me for me.
Now, I am free to give up myself more easily. God, you can change the fiber of who I am because your majesty seduces me, pulling. pushing. showing me majesty and showing me life is found when I lose it.
How many people accept God with conditions? “I can only believe in a god that…” Those people have not been seduced like this. I trust Him, even when I don’t understand Him. Life is full when I suffer and struggle. Life is more vibrant than it ever was when I was saturating myself with pleasure after pleasure that I worked so hard to find for myself. We want to go our own way. Some do it out of rebellion. Some simply don’t know the peace and joy that God is when life is lost. He fills. Often times it seems that our life is lost first, we feel the peaceful ecstasy of hearing “It’s gonna be OK” from the only one that can mean it, then we choose to lose it.
Paul says the same thing just using different words in Philippians 3.
I want Meghan to have a new Kevin. I want patience, sacrifice, giving, loving, steadfastness, consistency, humility, strength, self-control. I want this to give to Meghan. What a gift. She deserves every part of it.
Words: our way of expressing a world and life. They must pull us deeper than the words themselves to a reality that we can’t explain with words. That’s exactly what John does in Revelation.
I want to give up my life.