Sunday, March 16, 2008

I heart NLC

I love New Life Church. This is one phenomenal group of men and women, and I need them. Perhaps the biggest reason that I need them is how screwed up they are, and therefore, how screwed up New Life Church is. Funny isn’t it? We all see that there is something wrong in this world and we experience that in our relationships. We all have broken relationships don’t we? That’s why we love stories of reconciliation, because no matter how overwhelming a situation might be, there is a place inside of us where we want that relationship to be redeemed. That is why I love this church so much. For the most part, we seem made up of people who are OK being where they are at, but not OK staying there. So, we have the brief opportunity during the college years, or, for some as fortunate as me, even longer, to pursue God together.

This will rock your world…are you ready? I am divorced. Wow! How excitingly scandalous…but not really. My heart was broken by a woman who didn’t know who she was or what she wanted. She left me for a man who became “her best friend,” a man who made up for my inadequacies. I loved then hated then despised then resented then missed then resented then despised then forgave her. I don’t talk to her, nor do I ever think I really will talk to her again…frankly, it wouldn’t even be all that appropriate right now. I have no desire to be in a relationship with her ever again. Yet, there is still a part of me that longs for reconciliation. Not because of who she is or who she was, but because it’s just good. How much hurt God must feel for all of the broken relationships out there.

This has got to be a part of me really finding this “becoming free.” I’m not even talking about making reconciliation happen…that is God’s work, not mine. I need to find myself in a good enough place where I can continue to make myself vulnerable to those whom God would have me love as He loved me. How in the crap can I do that? I need to begin by coming to my Father to find my comfort. An introspective friend shared this verse with me about 30 minutes ago:

“But now, this is what the LORD says-he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you. I have summoned you by name; you are mine.”

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